validation.

Social media detox day 4. . . feeling twitchy. Re-evaluating my entire life.

I decided for the month of March I was going to take a breather from social media so I deleted the apps from my phone and logged myself out on my computer. (I promptly had to log myself back in because I do need to do a few specific work projects on Facebook but I did good and only took care of the project then signed back out.) I don't have a specific reason for doing this, it sort of just hit me that I might need to step away for a bit. I have a lot of projects going right now and am working to sort through the trajectory of what's coming, where I want to focus my energy and what I may need to step back from. It's hard to hear your own inner knowing when your senses are constantly bombarded with the noise of the outside world. I decided to just shut the outside world up for a bit. No social media, avoiding most social outings, and spending intentional time with myself.

I always thought I was pretty good at spending time with myself. I actually really enjoy being alone, or so I thought. I enjoy spending time alone, I don't totally enjoy being alone. Two different things. Spending time alone has meant exploring trails and trying new restaurants on my own. Laying on the couch an watching a movie of my choice, reading a good book, going for a solo run or hanging on the back deck in the sun - and posting about it on social media and then checking out what all my friends are doing. BEING alone is very different. Being with myself might be doing those things but with only me, myself and I and not that external connection. Turns out me, myself and I have some shit we need to sort through.

Me, myself and I seem to really like external validation. We like the world to know what we're doing. We like people to comment on our adventures and we like obsessively seeing what others are up to so it feels like we're connected to them. So what happens when that goes away? Well, we're left with ourselves and some hard realizations. I do a lot for the external world. I do a lot to be seen and to confirm that others think I'm worthy and enough. To be fair, what I do share is very much authentic and in alignment with who I am. I can't say never, but rarely do I ever post something that feels fake or not true to who I am, nor do I only share the highlight reels. The hard truth, however, is that I do share things because I need someone or something outside of me to tell me I am enough.

For all the self improvement shit I've done and all the podcasts, therapy and books I've read, I know how important it is for us to break free of this unworthy feeling so many of us have deep down inside. Cognitively I know this and I thought I had. Emotionally and spiritually, I definitely have not. I know it, I don't feel it. And somehow 4 days away from social media has brought this front and center.

So, this is my personal work right now. I'd suspect it will be a life long journey but you can't change anything if you aren't aware of it so at least we've made it to step one. I'm a bit terrified of what the next 26 days without social media will bring up but I'm down for a challenge. Whatever is lurking in the shadows of my being better be ready for battle. Or maybe just a real big hug.

xoxo,

Ali

PS. I published my first ebook! It's a workbook with activities and prompts for helping you move forward if you're feeling stuck. You can get it as a downloadable PDF or on Amazon Kindle. The Kindle formatting is kinda wonky but the content is there.