Release.

This post is part of a weekly series I'm doing culminating in a celebration at my March retreat.

Learn more about the series and journey I'm on HERE

As of writing this we have 3 spots left for the retreat, join me! MORE INFO

Let it go, let it go (singing really loud realizing I don't actaully know the lyrics). So this "release" phase is all about letting go of all the things - physically, emotionally, spiritually, and some big tangible things like a whole damn career. Like I said in my last post, life has been leading up to this huge release over the last few years. If you're in a spot of feeling like you have things to let go of, realize that some of those things may take time. I could not just up and leave a career I spent 15 years building on a whim. I could not just magically make my body want to let go of 41 years of pent up grief and trauma overnight.

Physical Release

Without going into the 20 page explanation of what my physical body has been throwing at me for the last year and a half, we'll just say I started having some crazy unexplained health issues and after seeing a variety of medical professionals and all my woo woo witch doctors, essentially I'm just going through an EPIC detox. Some of my insides reached a breaking point and stopped being able to work properly and there's just been a lot of gunk (medical term) floating around where there shouldn't be gunk floating around. I have a protocol of dietary changes, movement and supplements that are getting my insides back on track.

An unintended consequence of all of this is that I have been releasing a ton of weight and I truly don't believe it's just because of the dietary and movement changes. While I'm eating different food, I'm defintiely not eating any more or less healthy than I was before and I'm actually moving less just in different ways. I truly believe the weight I was holding was because I wasn't ready to let it go. There was stored trauma and emotions in those cells that I had not worked through and an identity I was clinging to. My physical body was responding exactly as it should, it was protecting me and doing what I was subconciously asking it to do. Our bodies are SO intelligent and I whole heartely believe losing weight is much more of an emotional and spiritual journey then it is physical.

For a large part of my life I was always chasing weight loss. I reached a point quite a few years ago that I ditched the scale, learned to love my body as is and to eat and move to feel good rather then chase something that doesn't matter. When I started randomly (and quickly) losing weight a few months ago it really threw me for a loop and I started to explore the why. I think I'll do a whole seprate post on this because I have A LOT to say about it.

For now I'll just say that my physical body is releasing a lot - fat, toxins, trauma, grief, an old identity, and the unconscious state of fight or flight we've been in since birth. All of that means it's doing some weird ass shit so if you see me and I look a bit discombobulated, I promise it's because I'm healing and it's a positive thing.

Emotional/Spiritual Release

I'm honestly not sure how much I want to share here. This part of the journey has been incredibly raw, deep and often very dark and does include reconsciling a variety of life experieces that while I do feel ready to share, others invovled don't and I want to honor that. The release for me here is letting go of the anger and grief that I didn't even realize I was carrying. Letting go of my attachment to being a victim of circumstance and releasing all of the pent of emotions I was never allowed to feel or express.

If we don't let emotions out, they don't just disapear so I'm allowing myself to release years of emotion in whatever way they want to be expressed. Writing is actually huge for me in this. It allows me to use my voice and share what needs to be set free from deep within. It helps me make sense of things in my own unique way. Screaming, crying, dancing, lifting heavy things are other ways.

Lifestyle Release

I spent 15 years (ish) building an entire career, lifestyle and identity that I one day realized was not at all the career, lifestyle or identity I wanted. So then I spent a year figuring out how the hell to get myself out of it. It was all divine timing with the right person to take my place and we did a slow and intentional transition for us and our clients. And while I've spent a large amount of time unraveling that lifestyle and identity, now that I'm truly done, there is still a lot to let go. Simple things like the need to check my email every 5 minutes, but also deeper things like how I actually live each day and how I answer when people ask me what I do and the shift from being someone who made a lot of money to someone who currenly makes barely enough to pay bills. Funny thing, the someone I am now who can barely pay bills is 100 times happier. (I also know this part is temporary as I work to build my actual dream life.)

The entire way I live and my day to day responisblities are a complete 180 fromw what life was 2 years ago as I've added some unexpected responsibilities and start prepping for some more exciting chages next year (like someone living with me in my very cozy 860 sqft house). During this phase of my journey I'm simply working to let go of all that was and any anxiety that comes with this huge shift. I'm playing with how I structure my days, I'm visualizing and meditating on what this next life looks like and I'm sitting with a lot of gratitude for what my previous life tought me, the adventures I had and the amazing people that came along with it.

This part of the journey has a lot of ups and downs but each day I feel a bit lighter, a bit clearer and bit more like the real me. The days where there's a glimpse into what this future life looks like make all these hard days oh so worth it.

**If you are in the early strages of wanting to make some big life changes, please reach out. Even if I'm not a good fit to guide you, I can offer other resources and insight to help on your journey.