Everything meant for you will find you.

Letting go of control. As a recovering control freak, that sentence gives me the shakes. At a recent therapy appointment, my lovely Julie (she’s coach/therapist/voodoo magic witch/friend so she’s just Julie) put words to what I was feeling but couldn’t explain, I had ZERO certainty about anything in my personal life, let alone adding in the rest of the collective shit storm that is 2020. I always thought I thrived on certainty. I know what I want, I do what’s needed to get it. I’m satisfied. Even in chaos I have always had a sense of control over what was happening, my emotions and reactions and often those of other people. What I didn’t realize was that often what I wanted was not really what was meant to be mine. I know it sounds like a good thing to be able to get what you and sometimes it is, but sometimes it means you force something into a hole it wasn’t meant to fit through (I feel like there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere). 

Understanding that I was in the midst of a lot of uncertainty was extremely unsettling but also felt like an opportunity to try something different. In Julie’s words, try it out, you can always go back to your old ways. So, over the past few months I’ve been really working to simply be and sit with everything going on and watch what comes my way. I’ve been intentional with the energy I put out, but even more intentional with paying attention to what I’m being given. Most of what I’m being given is coming in a form that I wouldn’t have thought I wanted or that I likely wouldn’t have even noticed before and yet I’m learning more, connecting more and being guided forward on my path so much faster than when I tried to force it myself. Financially, relationships, my health, all of it. I’m finally listening to the universe and she’s giving me all the things I wanted and a few things I didn’t even know I needed. 

There are so many things in life right now that aren’t what they were “supposed” to be but what if they are? What if the supposed bad things that happen to us aren’t bad at all and if we embrace them may actually be one of the best things for us? It doesn’t mean they’re easy but life isn’t supposed to be easy. The hard things are where we learn to really live. I have a lot of hard things going on, we all do right now, but they are also the most beautiful things to happen for me (not TO me, FOR me) and I’ve never felt more of an inner peace that I do right now in the middle of it all. I don’t have control over anything and that is the most freeing feeling in the entire world. I have a funny feeling that whatever is meant for me is better than anything I could have dreamed up for myself anyways.