a not so normal divorce.

Going to start with a disclaimer. As I progress with this blog, I will likely share a lot about my personal life. I will NEVER share anything that I feel will harm or discredit another human I care about. There is a lot you will never know. There is a lot of life that has shaped me that I have made the very intentional decision to keep private. If you read posts and are left with questions, so be it. You can ask, I might answer. I most likely won’t. I am learning to walk the fine line of sharing my truth and my life story while also protecting the privacy and autonomy of those I love. Please respect that. Know that what I share is MY truth and mine only. The other people involved may have differing points of view and that is a-ok. That’s kind of how life works. We all have our own version of reality. This is mine.

This particular post is about my ex-husband. It feels weird even using the phrase ex-husband but that’s what he is. Our divorce came as a real big surprise to most of the world and rightfully so. Zero reason to get into the weeds of it all but in the end, we realized we’re just really good friends. We connect on a lot of different levels but no longer a marriage one. So we got divorced, and blew everyone’s mind. Shortly after our divorce we went on vacation with a few other friends together. We lived in the same house through most of it. We celebrated birthdays, holidays, hung out with family, and went to dinners and drinks together.

He moved out but came back to stay with our dogs while I traveled and we recently spent an evening talking, laughing and sharing stories together once I got back. All of this is weird to a lot of people, it’s not weird to us. I don’t understand why we have to put relationships in these pretty little boxes with a bow on top. Our relationships with other humans DO NOT have to fit some preconceived box and they do not need to have a definition. We can be friends, we can be lovers, we can be family, we can be confidants, we can be acquaintances, we can be any weird mix of all of the above or none of it. We can just be whatever the hell it plays out to be. If I go on “dates” with someone, he doesn’t have to be my boyfriend. If I live with someone, he doesn’t have to be my partner. If I want to be more than friends with someone, it does’t mean I want to marry them. There is so much in-between that we fail to see and I think we miss out on so many meaningful relationships because of it.

My ex and I could very easily fall into the ex husband/wife trap where we don’t hate each other but don’t connect because we’re divorced. We don’t want that. We still care about each other as humans. Yes, things will change as time goes on and if we get re-married or have kids, but I whole heartedly trust that we will never not be a part of each others lives in some capacity. We’re allowed to continue to love one another without being in love with one another. We’re allowed to connect and support each other’s growth and share in each other’s joy simply as two humans who were meant to share this life. You only think it’s weird because it’s different. And no, I assure you this isn’t some fairytale divorce that just worked out this way. We both have ample reasons to hate one another. We have both hurt the other person, we both have wounds that may take a while to heal. But we both have chosen to accept, understand, learn and look below the surface of all of it. We both chose love, empathy and connection over the petty bullshit. We both are better humans for it and I would argue our connection right now is deeper than it’s ever been.

I’m by no means saying this is what people should strive for. I get it, divorce is often messy and heartbreaking and can’t end up this way. We’re weird, we know. Do what’s right for you. But in every relationship, romantic or otherwise, maybe try removing the labels and expectations and see where it goes. Human to human connection is the most beautiful and powerful thing on this planet if we allow it to unfold a true and organic manner.

xoxo,

Ali